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What is it he sees in me?It warmed her to know she was desired. She sighed softly, opening her eyes and gazing into the distance.Maybe he's right, she thought. But I'm not rushing this. I mustn't rush it. It's too dangerous. I want to trust him so badly. But minimising the risks is important. I read that again and again. I'm going to have to ask him for references before I get in too deep. And I'm going to have to check them too. If I ever do meet him, I want to look into his eyes with confidence.Elaine smiled to herself, her gaze focussing on a single, twinkling light, set alone in the hills.God, his eyes... C'mon, think!I'd have to meet him and get to know him, to see what he was like and to connect with him. And we'd have to be attracted to each other.Interested friends. Then again I could just meet him and fuck him.Elaine laughed at her audacity. Amusing herself, she ran with the thought.He'd be perfect. He's from out of town and he's hot. It's obvious he wants me, and God knows I. Otherwise Lori would wonder why Ruth fell asleep on the phone with me, a guy who was not her "boyfriend" and for whom she had no feelings other than that of friendship.That gave me hope. It made me realize that Ruth really did care about where our relationship was at present, and where it was headed. It told me also that she was not capable of seeing me in the role of "boyfriend." In order for me to be her boyfriend meant terminating the special friendship we had, at least in her mind. She couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. That's what she eventually told me, when I finally summoned up the courage to tell her outright that I loved her.Over the decades since, I've gone over our strange relationship in my mind thousands of times, trying to figure out just what was really going on. If I'd become a psychiatrist, maybe I'd have a chance at coming to a retroactive diagnosis for what this really was, and a possible solution. But I wasn't a shrink and those days were far in the past and.
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